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I’m still refining this idea, and I’d be very interested to hear people’s thoughts on my further analysis. But here are a few: Has understanding the Four Tendencies framework helped make your relationship stronger or more loving? I’d love to read another one about the 4 types going into more depth if possible. Gretchen Rubin, who wrote and article for the Harvard Business Review, recommends identifying your motivations in order to form successful habits. Can you guess what expectations a rebel rejects? According to Gretchen Rubin, the author of The Four Tendencies, people can be divided into four personality types (otherwise known as tendencies). These include what Rubin calls the obliger, the upholder, the questioner, and the rebel. It frees you to love each other rather than resisting the differences. I loved learning about this! I’m glad you found this article interesting. Upholders generally meet both inner and outer expectations, meaning they don't let others or themselves down. [bctt tweet="Habits have the ability to transform the way we live — professionally, personally, physically, and spiritually." We know we need to accept each other, without judgment, but it is a lot easier to do that when you understand what’s going on. Obligers wake up and think, “What must I do today?” They’re very motivated by accountability. ", "How do you respond to expectations?" Thank you for this article! One important question is: what is the main desire or motivation driving the people in the four categories? July 8, 2018. Business Insider. Although I’ve read everything on relationships, human behavior, and psychology that I could get my hands on, this is a new one for me. Check out Go Mighty to make it happen. Any particularly good combos or bad combos?". That’s right, all of them. It’s not unheard of, but it’s unusual, and often includes special circumstances. But Jeremy was outraged. QUESTIONER: “I do what I think is best, according to my judgment. Terms, Conditions of Use & Privacy Policy, They’re self-directed; they get things done on their own and keep to their promises, They embrace routine and may struggle to adjust to sudden scheduling changes, They can be very committed to meeting inner expectations, even when it’s inconvenient for you—"I know we have guests this weekend, but I need to go for my twelve-mile run." According to her, your specific tendency can be determined by how you respond to both outer and inner expectations. Though they do seem to enjoy flouting rules.) One common (ironic, annoying) aspect of the Questioner Tendency is that Questioners often hate to answer questions. Trying to motivate him was a waste of time. "Both have this resistance to inner expectation, and this gives them this feeling that the world is pushing on them and they want to push back.". In the article, a Questioner said, “I suffer from analysis paralysis. Do you think so? She had to learn to be more indirect about getting Jeremy on board, while Jeremy had to learn that his distaste for the rules didn’t make Beth’s desire for rules wrong. “At times, the Rebel resistance to authority is enormously valuable to society—but Rebels often frustrate others because they can’t be asked or told to do anything. Strengths and Weaknesses of Questioner Personality Strengths of Questioners Once the expectation makes sense to the Questioner, they will direct themselves like an Upholder, will be reliable like an Obligor, and will authenticate themselves as a Rebel. Also, I know I’m more likely to get an answer from him if I explain why I’m asking. Obligers are great at following other people’s rules but struggle to make themselves do anything on their own. Thanks for your clarity. Psych Central. So if you know your Tendency and the Tendency of your sweetheart, that knowledge can help you strengthen your relationship, by alleviating resentment, boosting understanding, figuring out how to get things done more efficiently, and minimizing anger. The odd thing is that based on anecdotal evidence Rubin gathered from conversations with real couples, rebels and obligers tend to make a great pair. since. She is a regular contributor to Psych Central. She was examining why we find it so hard to establish desired habits and break bad ones. Apparently, This One Trait Can Predict Your Attractiveness to Others, These 20 Books on Gratitude Will Give You a Brighter Outlook on Life, Expert-Backed Solutions to an Emotionally Abusive Relationship, What Do You Do When He Says He Doesn't Want a Relationship, 5 Key Reasons Why You Should Date Someone Who Isn't Your Type, Find Out Why Cheaters Cheat, According to a Divorce Coach, Some Irreconcilable Differences Can Be Solved (Here's How to Do It), 18 Things I've Learned After Going on Over 20 Dates, The 5 Best Free Online Dating Sites for Divorcees, When a Loved One's Death Triggers a Midlife Crisis, This Is the Easiest Way to Discover Your Love Language.

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